Concern

Yesterday two people told me that they were concerned about me.  One was my mother when she saw that I was down another jean size and I was wearing them without any muffin top.  However, I take her concern with a grain of salt as she rolls her eyes every time I grill vegetables instead of frying them, or make my own egg drop soup at home instead of indulging in a calorie-laden Chinese food meal with the rest of my obese family.

My friend Ashleigh saw me for the first time in two weeks and remarked on how thin I had gotten.  But really, thinner and thin are not the same thing.  I may have gotten thinner, but I am not yet thin and therefore I need to keep up my dedication.

This section contains a bit of TMI, so you can skip over it if you would like...

I am sure we all have those moments where we think "Okay, that's enough.  I need to stop because I am really hurting my body."  Last monday I had diarrhea all day.  To the point where I couldn't leave the bathroom because I had to use the toilet every ten minutes.  After that, I did not use the bathroom at all.  I literally could not have a movement.  I decided to use a laxative on Saturday to try to get things moving and...it didn't work.  At all.  This has never happened to me before.  All it did was make me bloated.  My stomach was swollen with gas and I felt horrible.  By this Monday I still hadn't had a bowel movement and it had gotten to the point where I was so bloated that I was throwing up food just because my bowels weren't moving at all.  I felt absolutely awful at work and kept running to the bathroom to dry-heave so I ended up leaving work early just to go home and have a lie-down.  I was feeling sluggish and absolutely fatigued anyway.  That night I had a handful of prunes and took some milk of magnesia and yesterday I finally, finally was able to go.  It wasn't very much and today I am still bloated and very gassy, but it isn't as dire as it was.  My stomach was so distended this past week that my liver was actually hurting and yesterday and today I was having chest pains (although for the chest pains...I like to run my fingers over the ribs on my chest since they are showing now and I love it...maybe that's where the pains came from?)

From the natural market today, I bought this crispbread that my mom and I saw on Dr. Oz.  One cracker has 12 calories and 5 grams of dietary fiber.  So if I eat four crackers, I can satisfy 80% of my daily fiber intake and all of that for only 48 calories.  I had some today and those crackers are FILLING.  I only ate two and my stomach felt like it was going to explode because I was so full.  I also bought some Chocolate Senna tea as well to use on occasion, but I don't want to get into the habit of using that because I know that it will only compound the problem.

In other news, I am only six pounds away from my second goal weight.  I am going to start the ABC diet on Saturday.  I was concerned about it because so many of the days on the diet have a higher calorie count than what I have been eating for the past three months, but perhaps I need it to stave off this plateau that has kind of been riding me the last two weeks.  My weight loss has really slowed and I don't want it to.  I can still pinch tons of fat in places where there should be none and I want it to be gone.  I don't want to be fat anymore.  I want to be slender and beautiful.