Since my last post, I have been in a horrible binge and purge cycle.  It's awful and I feel completely run down.  I have been having sharp pains in my upper abdomen, lower abdomen, and lower back that keep me up at night.  I have sores in my mouth and I know I've been damaging my teeth.  I've gained three pounds and I hate myself more than words can express.  I've been purging at least five times a day, but sometimes up to ten.

The semester started today which means that I will be out of my parents house.  Thank God.  I can get back to what I was doing last semester, namely restricting.  I can get out of this horrible cycle and start losing weight again.  I'm going to step down in order to refrain from bingeing, and I think it will be all right because I will be at work or in class most of the time and will not be around food.  The only thing I have to avoid is the stupid vending machines at work.  I have an odd love affair with vending machines.  I like to just stare at them, seeing what's in them.  And if I have cash or change on me, I will absolutely buy stuff out of them.  So the solution to this is to not have anything smaller than a $5 bill at any time.

Today and tomorrow I am allowing myself 600-800 calories.  It's a lot, I know, but it's not nearly as much as what I was bingeing on.  If I'm strict with myself, I don't think I will get up to that.  So far today I have had two slices of low calorie toast (80 cal) and half a cup of coffee with creamer (probably about 30 cal).

Please wish me luck.  I don't want to be fat.